It has been a while since I last blogged. I am sorry that I have not been sending any updates. I have a huge praise report! I had more genetic testing done a few weeks ago, and they tested me for one particular mutation called PT53, which if I did have it, that put me in a high risk category for sarcoma of the uterus and ovaries, and it would put the children in high risk categories for pediatric cancers. So if I did have it, they said I would have to get a total hysterectomy, and also that my mother and sister would be at risk and need hysterectomies. They also said that my children would have to go and get tests done and see a pediatric oncologist. You get the picture…not good. But it came back that we are free and clear!!! Praise God!! I still have not been having very bad side effects from the chemotherapy. There are a few days were I feel crummy, but then I get back to normal, for the most part. This time around I have been mostly tired, and my mind is just not up to speed some days. In the beginning, I was having trouble sleeping, but not anymore. I had a few days where I got a really bad sore throat, but thankfully it went away. Thank God for Zicam. I am officially a Zicam junkie. That stuff is amazing! There have been a few times where my throat started to feel like it was hurting again, and I sprayed that stuff in there, and it went away so fast. I am so thankful to God for getting me through this time. He has blessed me with health, and with all of you who are praying and supporting me and my family. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for all of you, and for all that you have done. I go in this Thursday for my third of six treatments. I’m excited. I can’t wait to kick some more cancer butt!
I had a friend of mine who is also going through cancer call me a little over a week ago. She is battling liver cancer. My heart ached for her, because her type of cancer is more serious than mine, and I just kept thinking about how I would feel if I were in her shoes. She mentioned a friend of hers that had liver cancer also, and that they had told her she didn’t have much longer to live. I was afraid to ask her if they had told her that same thing. I don’t know why, but I didn’t ask. But I told her not to let any doctor tell her how long she was going to live, or when she was going to die. No one knows that. Only God. I have heard WAY too many stories since this has happened of people who had been told they were going to die soon, and 10, 20, 30 years later, they are still alive and kicking. I remember the first night after I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t know anything more than it was breast cancer. The doctor told me all kinds of details, but all I heard was, you have cancer. So I laid there in my bed all night thinking about whether or not I was going to live to see my babies grow up, and thought about leaving my husband alone and how hard that would be for him. And the next day, I called my doctor back to ask if they could talk with me again, and I remember the feeling I had when she told me that what I had was completely treatable. Tremendous relief. And that is normal. I know. But later that day, I thought to myself, why is that a relief? Is my hope in this life or the next? Should I really be relieved that my doctor told me that breast cancer would not kill me? How do I know I won’t die in a car accident on the way home today? Yet I don’t live in fear of that everyday on my way home from work. So why I am going to fear this? Only God knows the number of my days. I didn’t want to be relieved by the fact that someone here told me I was going to have a long life on this earth. I didn’t want earthly consolation. I needed more than that. I wanted to live a life that no matter what happened to me on this earth, that my hope in Christ was secure. And I thought that my reaction revealed a little bit of misplaced hope, and misplaced trust, and that scared me more than anything I think. So I had a whole lot of thinking and praying and house cleaning to do after that. I don’t want anything in this live to cause me to want to be here on this earth more than I want to be with my God in Heaven. Should I really fear anything that would send me there sooner? Like I have slipped out of God’s hands and oops, my life was cut short?? No. And technically, because I am in Christ, I won’t ever “die”. I will have eternal life with God in Heaven! God allowed this to happen to me. Why? I have some theories. But maybe I won’t really know until I get to Heaven, and at that point, I don’t think I’ll really care. So then, as long as I am here, no matter what the current condition, I want to walk closely with the Lord, and abide in Him, and He in me. I want to walk with Him, at every moment, and fulfill the plans that He has for the life He has given me. So whether I have five minutes or fifty more years, my life belongs to Lord. I will not fear the perils of this life. I will not despair. My hope is secure in Jesus Christ. He is my Fortress and my Refuge and so much more. Today, right now, I am still here, and I will serve Him and worship Him.
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