Radiation DONE!!!!

My sincere apologies for not blogging sooner!!  I feel really bad that I didn’t update everyone already via blog.  For those who don’t already know…I am DONE with radiation!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!! I feel like such a free woman! I AM such a free woman! It’s great to be free.  I got a little blistered and crispy fried toward the end of my treatment, but it is getting better. It was worst under my armpit and by my collar bone. Luckily I didn’t have any side effects that were too bad until the last week.  I also got really tired the last week or so of treatment.  So the next steps are to just have a bunch of follow up appointments with all four of my doctors between now and the end of the year, and then at the end of the year, I will have the surgery to remove the tissue expanders and to place the permanent implants. I still have to go every three weeks to get my Herceptin treatments, but that is no biggie, and I should have a follow up petscan sometime in the fall. 

What a journey this has been.  I really feel so blessed to have gone through this. I am so thankful for the all struggles and for all the good things that have come from this.  How satisfying it is for me to say today that what the enemy wants to use for harm, God uses for good.  I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people that I have in my life, and for everyone who rallied around me to support me, and thankful for all of the new relationships that I have made.  I am also thankful for all of the opportunities to tell people about the hope that I had and still have in Christ.  From before I even found out it was cancer, my husband and I determined that if I had cancer, that it would be our time to shine the light of Christ, and that we would represent Christ well throughout the entire endeavor.  That was my greatest desire and still is. 

My struggle here lately has to been to move into this next phase of my life without fear of the future.  I think throughout this whole time, fear has been my greatest opponent.  It seems like now more than ever before in my life, I am hearing constantly of one person to the next that has some sort of cancer or major illness.  Let me tell you…it is sobering.  And I have been hearing more and more of people that we had been praising God were cancer free, only to have the cancer return.  Questions start rushing back into my mind, and the what if’s, and the lies of the enemy.  Some days it is harder than others to fight off those attacks, but I keep fighting, and I overcome.  I just have to constantly remind myself what I put my hope in and what I know is true.  God’s perfect love drives out fear.  There is nothing that can happen to me that will pluck me from God’s grasp.  Again, I am so blessed with prayer warriors around me that I can call and tell them that I am struggling, and they fight for me as well.  I called on one of my girlfriends this week, and within minutes, she responded to my email and brought me encouragement from the Word and had me laughing.  What a blessing.  My other struggle here lately is to not get discouraged.  When I keep hearing all this bad news, I have moments when I feel so powerless, and that there are sooo many people hurting, and sooo much bad stuff going on that it is just going to get worse and there is nothing any of us can do.  The problem with that mentality is that it is all focused on me.  Is my God overwhelmed?  No.  He’s got my life and yours, down to the last inkling of a detail in the palm of His hand, and He wants to do great things with it.  God knows.  God cares.  Satan knows that if he can get our focus off of God and onto ourselves, he can defeat us every time, because against all the evil of this world, by ourselves, we are pretty pathetic…but with God, the enemy better watch out!!  Because then, it’s not me that’s fighting, but the Lord fighting for me.  And it’s not my words, but God’s Word that I am proclaiming.  And what a great big God I serve.  Unfathomable.  There is nothing He can’t do, and He wants to do some of it through me.  So I will just let all this bad news serve as a reminder that I am not here for me, and it’s not about me.  I’ve got mighty things to do for my Mighty King.        

I will still keep posting from time to time with updates for those still interested.  I am now working on my testimony video.  I don’t know when I will finish it, but I’m really excited about it, and I will post it when I’m done.  I’m thinking about writing some kind of book too.  Lots of plans, but the Lord will direct me.

I want to say thank you again to everyone for all of your prayers and support.  I know I have said this before, but I truly can’t tell you how much it has all meant to me.  God bless!!

Seemingly Insignificant

I start week three of radiation tomorrow.  So far I have not really had any major side effects.  My skin gets a little red and irritated, but nothing major. I am praying that things stay that way.  July 6^th should be my last treatment day!  Thank you so much for your continual prayers and support. 

The other day I was thinking back to when all of this began.  I had already been to the first few doctors’ appointments, and we knew something was there, but we didn’t know it was cancer yet.  One day I was cleaning out the kids’ folders from school, and this little pink heart that had been cut out of construction paper fell out onto the couch.  It had a little sticker on it that said “I the Lord am your Healer” and a verse from Exodus.  When it fell out, I just stopped and stared at it.  Some part of me knew at that moment that I had cancer.  But what is awesome is that I also knew that God had sent me that heart to tell me that He knew what was coming, and that He was going to take care of me.  I took that heart and I kept it tucked away over the next month or so, and there were a few times in moments of fear, doubt, and frustration that I almost threw it away, because I felt like it was stupid to think God had sent me that, and that He was speaking to me through it.  Stupid...it was just a stupid piece of paper...nothing more.  Wrong.  The enemy tried to steal that promise that God had given me, but I know it was sent from God just for me, and today that promise is fulfilled.  Those teachers had probably cut up dozens of those hearts to put in the kids folders that day, but that one was special.  It amazes me how God can take something so seemingly insignificant, and use it in a powerful way in someone’s life.  I hope that some of the teachers who work at the school where we send Michael and Gracie are reading this, so that if you were the one to cut up that heart, or to put it in their folder, you can know that at that moment, God was using you to speak to me.

Radiation could be another one of those seemingly insignificant things.  I lay there on this table, and can’t see or feel what is going on, but there is something pretty powerful that is happening.  Aside from a red light on the wall and a buzzer that goes off during the radiation, I would have no idea what was happening.  Of course until later, after continual exposures, I would get a rash on my skin.  I did some research on how the machine that they use works, and basically, they accelerate electrons to this super fast speed, and they have a collision with a metal target, which produces high energy x-rays which are directed at me in a specific shape so as to only expose certain areas of my body.  And I think when these x-rays hit my cells something magical happens and free radicals and yada yada…okay and now I’m lost.  Good explanation right??  Stay with me! 

My point in all of this is that I got to thinking about how this can all be related to prayer.  Prayer can be seemingly insignificant as well.  How often do we feel like we are saying simple little words?  No big deal.  Nobody can hear them.  I don’t feel or see anything changing.  How can the words coming out of my mouth change anything?  Here’s how…our prayers are like those electrons.  When we seek out the mind and will of God, pray His Word, combine that prayer with faith, pray fervently and persistently, in anticipation, join with others in prayer…our prayers get accelerated.  And then we pray in the name of Jesus Christ and BAM…this massive collision in the heavenlies takes place.  And then the resulting “high energy x-rays” from that reaction are divinely directed this way and that by the hand of God.  And then supernatural things happen, and lives are transformed, and people get freed and become radical!  Okay…now I’m taking it too far.  But do you get what I’m saying??  You may not always feel it or see it, but when you pray this way, some demon somewhere is getting a rash!!  I put some verses from the Bible below about prayer, and there are many other really great ones, but one that I have really clung to throughout this time, and continue to cling to today is this one:

Isaiah 55:10-11 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

There are so many promises in Scripture, and so much power when we pray the Word!  It will not, can not, shall not, return void.  So I guess my point in all my ramblings is this:  Let us not be deceived by our limited earthly senses...your life, your prayers, everything you do and don't do, think and don't think, say and don't say, pray and don't pray are significant!!  Down to the last snip on a pink piece of construction paper shaped like a heart.     

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"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

"…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:18).

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11:22-25).

"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" (John 14:13-14).

^“ You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” (James 4:2-3) 

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." (John 15:7)

Radiation Begins

Well today was the first day of radiation...finally!  I am ready to get this going and over with!  I had a CT scan last week, and they placed marks and tape on my skin.  This weekend, the tape was really bothering me, and it took everything in me not to mess with it, but it eventually fell off in the shower.  The reason it was bothering me was because I had an allergic reaction to it.  I had a nice little rash where the tape had been, which I think was a good thing, because it helped them to remark me today.  So they did some x-rays, had the doctor take a look at them, remarked me, and then radiated me.  It was kinda crazy.  They tell you on the speaker that they are about to start, and all of a sudden, staying still seems very hard.  I was worried that if I breathed too hard I would mess up the rays and it would zap something it wasn't supposed to.  So I was laying there thinking how crazy it is that I can't feel or see any of the radiation, but that it was actually happening.  And it was even crazier that this stuff is so powerful that it only took two or three minutes, if that, to have an impact.  I actually got a little nervous for a few seconds, but then I just started praying for people, and it took my mind off of it.  And then I imagined the Lord in there with me, bending those lasers and directing the radiation in just the right places, kinda like in the end of the second Kung-Fu Panda when he was catching those fire balls and redirecting them.  LOL!  Then it was even harder to be still because I was cracking myself up.  I kept telling myself that I was in the hands of the Great Physician, and knew I was not alone in there.  I am so thankful to God for the doctors that he has provided me with throughout all of this.  I can honestly say that I love them.  Please keep me in your prayers for the next five and half weeks.  Thank you for all of your prayers and support.  It means more to me than I can tell you.   

Relay for Life

Well this past week has been fantastic!  Monday, I finally got my drains out!  That was a loooong five weeks.  I was still draining more than what they would have liked it to be before they took them out, but I had a complication with one of them coming out on it's own, and so they just decided to take them out.  Praise the Lord!!  I felt like a whole new woman.  And I finally could pick up my sweet babies without fear that they would accidentally yank one out.  I do have a pretty good bit of fluid built up now under my skin on one side, so I am praying that my body just absorbs it and I don't have to get it drained, and especially that it doesn't get infected.  On Wednesday, they filled my tissue expanders for the last time, so I am glad to have that behind me!

I have been fighting off a few colds here and there the past two weeks, but luckily they have been short lived.  My hubby has officially started his own business now, and he had his last day of work at his other job this week, so that is exciting news!  And we got a boat this week!  Not a fancy humongous decadent boat. Just a small aluminum boat, but we absolutely loooooooove it, and we got an amazing deal on it.  Jonni and his dad have been working on it all day, and we finally got the engine going and took it out in the water.  When we were getting the boat back on the trailer I was trying to "help" by hooking the strap to the little loopty thingy on the front of the boat (I know you boaters out there are impressed with my accurate terminology), aaaaaannnnndd...I fell in the water.  Yep.  Graceful, I know...like a cat.  I'm lucky the water was only thigh deep, or else I could have messed up my hair!  (Joke)  Nothing was hurt, except my pride, which was especially damaged when I saw the picture that Ma just so happened to snap right at the moment my 7.0 richter scale splash went up.  So now it will live on forever that on our maiden voyage mommy fell in the water.  Gracie likes to tell the story over and over and over and over and over...yep.  Today she was watching the Lion King, and the part where Simba drags Nala down into the water, she said "Just like Mommy. Nala fell in the water.  Just like Mommy."  Smarty pants.

Speaking of my hair, it is coming in a lot!  I actually went to work without my wig on the other day, or I should say night.  I accidentally left my medicine at work, so we had to go get it, and it was late, so no one except the security guard saw me.  I brought Gracie in with me as my decoy, just in case.  Anyway, I pretty much don't wear my wigs anymore, except to work.

As for radiation, I have an appointment on the 22nd to get marked up for radiation.  It has been delayed due to the drains not coming out soon enough.  Radiation should start sometime that same week, but I will keep you posted.  

Overall, I have really been feeling great lately.  I am just sooooo thankful for where I am today.  I got to participate in my very first Relay for Life event this past week, and it was incredible.  I got to meet so many people that have been praying for me, which was really special to me.  They gave everyone who was a cancer survivor a special t-shirt, and the back of mine read "I AM HOPE" which I thought was really cool.  I got to walk in the survivor lap, and everyone was clapping, and Gracie was waving like little Miss America.  What a great feeling it was, but at the same time it was sobering.  I have been rejoicing so much over my healing, but I know that there are so many people that are still hurting, and it breaks my heart, and I have such a burden to pray for them.  I saw soooo many people with those special shirts on yesterday, and sooo many of the luminaries along the track dedicated to people that died, and it can seem really overwhelming at times how much cancer is out there.  And not just cancer, but sickness in general.  And not just physical sickness, but also emotional, and spiritual pain that people are in.  But, "I AM HOPE" and God is MIGHTY!  With God, there is no situation that is hopeless. When we stand face to face with our enemy, it is easy to give in to fear and surrender if we think that we are standing there alone.  But to know that God himself stands with you, and not just with you, but in you...there is no defeat there.  Rather power, and peace, and purpose, and victory, and strength, and provision, and security, and healing, and freedom, and life.  I am so thankful to be a child of God.  When I think of the darkest moments of my life, and the depths out of which I have come, I really do feel like I AM HOPE.  What an honor to be an ambassador for Christ.  What an honor to be living proof that His promises are true.  My desire is to hold out that hope for others that have nothing to hope in becuase they don't know Him.  To cover them with my shield of faith when they feel like they can't fight anymore and that they are defeated.  So that for even a moment, they could experience God, and find all that they ever needed and wanted in Him.  What an honor. 

Rejoicing!

I had another visit yesterday with the plastic surgeon.  We are continuing with the “reconstruction” process.  It sounds so funny to call it that.  Right now we are just filling up the tissue expanders that they placed during the surgery.  I am having some pain and discomfort this time as well, but I have been taking more pain medication than last time, so I am doing alright.  I still have two drains left, and hopefully they can come out next week.  I was not anticipating them being in for so long.  We will finish filling up the expanders next week, and then the following week I will start radiation.  It’s been about two months now that I have been off of the bad chemo drugs, and I am still having a few lingering side effects, but for the most part, I am getting back to normal.  I never thought I would be so excited to pluck my eyebrows and shave my legs.  The hair on my head has been coming in also.  It looks a little lighter than what I had before, but I can’t tell yet if it will be curly or straight.  Here lately, I have been sportin my short short hair when I go out.  I love it!  I always wanted to have really short hair, but I was too scared to cut it, so I really want to have fun with the short hair styles.  I saw a girl over the weekend who had a Mohawk, and it looked awesome!  I don’t know if I could pull it off, but I’m contemplating it!  I know it’s not very professional, so maybe I’ll plan my Mohawk over a long weekend or something. This week was my first week back to work since the surgery, and it went pretty well.  I am so incredibly thankful for the people that I work with.  It’s like they are just an extension of my family.  I was really enjoying my time off with my husband and babies, but I was excited to come back and see everyone at work too.  I want to say thank you to everyone who has offered their time, sent cards and flowers and money and food, and especially for the prayers.  I know I keep saying this, but the support we have received has been monumental, and I am so incredibly thankful!  The Mother’s Day Out program that my children are involved with has especially blessed us.  They have been so flexible and accommodating with our crazy schedule, and my oldest tells me how she loves to be there.  One of the pastors at our church has a wife that works as a nurse at Brookwood, and the day of my surgery, she made special arrangements so that she could take care of me and do all the prep work for me as I was going in to surgery.  Having her there brought me so much peace to what could otherwise have been a very anxious time.  As soon as I saw her and realized who she was, and that she had come specifically to take care of me, I just knew that God had orchestrated this entire day out, and that He was with me.  What a blessing.  Jonni and I were watching American Idol last night and there was a girl on there who had a tattoo of a feather on her wrist.  The host asked her what it meant, and she said it was there to remind her that her problems are as light as a feather because God holds them for her.  I can totally relate to what she said and I thought it was so profound.  Perspective is paramount.  Cancer seems so insignificant in light of who God is, and in light of how much suffering Jesus went through for me.  From the moment I was diagnosed with cancer, to the moment they told me I am cancer free, to this very moment now, I feel so incredibly blessed.  Going through this trial has actually become an honor for me.  Battling cancer is scary and unpleasant and extremely difficult, unless you are a child of God.  With Him, and through Him, we can do all things, even things that seem impossible.  My prayer and hope is that for the rest of my life here, I will never rejoice more over anything than over the fact that I am a child of God and that my name is written in Heaven.                             

Recovering from Surgery

My apologies for not updating you all sooner.  These past two weeks have gone by so fast for me.  I can hardly remember anything from the first week becuase of all the meds I was on.  The surgery went very well.  It actually went better than expected by the surgeons.  Friday after the surgery we recieved the pathology report on all of the stuff they took out of me.  There was no cancer anywhere!!  Not even in the lymph nodes.  I have been healed by the Great Physician!!  I have so much more to share about what God has done through all of this, not just in my body.  He has done so much more than just take cancer away from my body.  He has healed me in my mind and my spirit.  He has healed relationships that were broken.  He has built up my faith.  He has revived my vision and purpose.  I was telling someone the other day that it is like my life before cancer was lived in black and white, and now I am living in color.  I am so thankful for that. 

Jonni and I went this past weekend to pick up our children from SC.  We are so thankful to have them back with us at home.  It has been really hard for me to not pick them up too much.  I just want to squeeze them and love on them, but I am still too sore, and I still have some of the drains in.  I had five when I came out of surgery and now I have two left.  Hopefully they will come out next week.  I had an appointment this past Wednesday with the plastic surgeon.  They have started the reconstruction process, and I was not anticipating this, but it has been very painful.  Before Wednesday, I had been off of all my pain meds for a few days, but now I am taking them again.  We have to finish the initial phase of reconstruction in the next two weeks, and then the following week they want to start radiation.  I am supposed to have radiation everyday, Monday through Friday, for five and half weeks. 

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support.  People ask me all of the time if I have a good support group, and I just smile.  I have been so blessed by so many people throughout all of this.  I just can't possibly say how thankful I am for all of you.     

Surgery Tomorrow

Tomorrow is surgery day!!  I am going in at 5 a.m. and my doctor said my procedure is the first on his schedule.  I will try to get an update on here soon after the surgery.  This past week has been a whirlwind.  So much going on at work, at home, in my crazy head!  I just wanted to say thank you sooooo much to all of you who are praying and doing so much to support us during this time.  So thankful to God for all of the support that He has provided for me through all of you.  What a wonderful Savior.  What a wonderful Healer.  Good night everyone!!   

This Is The Day

Soooooooooooo...I don't even know where to start.  First let me start by giving ALL honor and praise and glory to my God.  My Healer.  My Abba.  Today I got the results of my pet scan, and I am officially CANCER FREE.  Wow.  Incredible.  The doctor told me that the pet scan showed no sign of cancer anywhere in my body.  Can I just say, God is GREAT and His promises are TRUE!?!  To those of you who doubt, to those of you who keep him at arms length, I tell you...embrace Him.  He is real.  He is truth and life.  He is everything you ever needed and wanted.  He is.  He just is.   

These past two days have been a constant battle for my mind.  I have been hit with so much opposition mentally.  The first thing that I was struggling with was that if I had not been reading or praying nearly as much as I thought I should, then God was not going to bless me, and that He was not going to heal me, and that I was defeated, because I wasn't good enough or hadn't been spiritual enough.  But clearly, that is a lie.  I could be at the pinnacle of my spiritual walk with God, more close to Him than any other, and I STILL would not deserve and could not earn what He has done in my life.  Not even CLOSE!!  My wise and awesome husband told me the other night, when I was sharing this struggle I was having with him, that me being closer to God would not change whether or not God wanted me healed, and that it would not change the promises of God, but it would change whether or not I was going to let the enemy defeat me in my mind, and how effective I was going to be with the life that has been given to me.  And I was like, YEAH!  The enemy wants to blame and condemn me, and God wants to RESTORE, CONFIRM, ESTABLISH, and STRENGTHEN me.  The only way the enemy can defeat me is in my mind.  So that battle was over.  The next day I was driving in my car, singing one of my anthems, and these verses came out "When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin.  Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free.  For God the just is satisfied, to look on Him and pardon me."  And to that, Satan has no reply. 

The other battle I was facing was the "what ifs" that were running through my mind.  I kept hearing about all these people that had breast cancer, and then it spread to their bones, and then to their liver.  And then another story of a woman who relapsed after being cancer free for quite some time.  And more than anything my heart was broken for them, and they are in the forefront of my prayer focus, but in the back of my mind I thought, what if that happens to me.  And my response to that was "No matter what, I will praise my God, and to Him belongs all honor and glory!!"  I thought to myself ahead of time what my response was going to be if I went in there today and they told me my whole body was full of cancer, in my bones, in my liver, everywhere.  And I was going to say "Praise be to God."  I was telling myself that if I was going to suffer more, that it was because something good was going to come of it, and that it just wasn't my time yet.  I was still healed, and still free, but it just wasn't going to be manifested yet in my life.  I wanted to use that situation to glorify Him even more!  And the darker the cloud, the more fierce the opposition, the greater God would be portrayed when He defeated them.  The greater the trial, the greater the glory!  That was what I prepared myself to say.  I was ready for whatever was to come, and actually excited just to know one way or the other. 

But, God decided today was my time!  And I am healed.  When this all started, God told me in my spirit, "I the Lord am your Healer."  And I can't tell you how many times the enemy has tried to steal that from me.  I am so thankful that all of you were praying for me and covering me, and especially for my husband who shared with me my darkest moments, and who I know was constantly striving in prayer for me, and was filled with Godly wisdom and encouragement.  I am so thankful.  So blessed.

So the next steps are still the same.  I will still have surgery in about a week and a half, and then radiation about four weeks after that.  The doctor said that doing so would greatly reduce my risk of recurrence.  So this particular journey is not over yet, and I still ask for your prayers.

What a wonderful thing God has done in me these last six months.  I am so thankful.  Thank you God!

Heart Strings

I have a prayer request.  The chemo medicine that I am still supposed to take for a year has the potential to cause heart damage.  This past week, I started getting swollen feet and ankles, which is one of the symptoms of heart issues.  (I thought I was done with canckles after Michael was born.  I guess not.  Hee hee.)  Anyway, I have been having other weird symptoms here and there that could or could not be linked to heart problems.  The nurse said today that it could just be residual effects from my last chemo treatment.  I am going in this Wednesday morning for an echo cardiogram, and so I wanted to ask you all to please pray that my heart would be strong and healthy. 

This weekend, when I got to thinking about having issues with my heart, all those fears came rushing back at me with full force.  The enemy just doesn’t give up does he?  Doesn’t he know he is defeated already??  Anyway, it just amazed me how strong those fears could hit me again.  But this time around I was able to fight faster and stronger than before.  I had just been doing so well physically lately that it was almost like I let my guard down for a moment.  It was a good reminder for me that this battle I am in is never over, not even after they tell me the cancer is all gone.  I had a really cool revelation today.  Needless to say, this heart stuff has still been on my mind just from talking about it with family, picking up medicine they called in for me, looking at my fat ankles while having my feet propped up.  So this morning, in the car on the way to work, I was singing the song “Hosanna” and part of the song says “Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have loved me.  Break my heart from what breaks yours, Everything I am for your kingdoms cause, As I go from nothing to Eternity.”  And it dawned on me that I was singing about my heart.  And I thought…how cool is that?  My heart is His, and it is whole, and if it is going to break, it’s going to break for Him.  Then again tonight I was listening to worship music, and singing the song “Forever Reign” and part of the song says “My heart will sing no other name…Jesus.”  And once again, it dawned on me that I was singing about my heart.  And once again I thought…how cool is that?  And then as I have been listening to worship music throughout the rest of the night, it seems like every other song has some lyrics about the heart.  And now as I am sitting here typing this, I am thinking that it feels as though God has been singing over me all day.  Singing over my heart.  Singing to my heart.  And my heart is just overtaken with peace.  There is no love like God’s love.  I feel like my heart could explode with joy in knowing God.  Check out this verse from Zephaniah 3:17 “THE LORD YOUR GOD IS IN YOUR MIDST, A MIGHTY ONE WHO WILL SAVE; HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH GLADNESS; HE WILL QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE; HE WILL EXULT OVER YOUR WITH LOUD SINGING.”   I just can’t hold back the tears after reading that. 

Done With Chemo

I am finally done with chemo!!!  Well, at least the bad stuff.  I have been on three different drugs, and two of them I am done with.  I still have to take one of them through the end of the year, but it only attacks the cancer cells, so it doesn't make me feel bad like the other ones do.  I am sooooooooooooo thankful how God has carried me through these treatments.  I feel so blessed that the side effects were not as bad as what I know they could be.  The last treatment was not that bad.  I am still having really weird side effects, like my toes are numb and I think my fingernails might be breaking off, but I don't really care...I'm done!!  I had an appointment with my general surgeon this week to go over the plans for surgery, and when he did an exam, he said he couldn't feel anything.  So awesome!  The surgery will be on April 3rd.  Until then, I have to do an echo cardiogram since the one chemo drug I will be on until the end of this year can do damage to my heart.  I also have to do a pet scan to see how much, if any, of the cancer is left.  And I also have to do preadmission testing.  So I think these three weeks and a half weeks before the surgery are going to fly by.

Yesterday while driving into work, I was singing Healer, by Kari Jobe, at the top of my lungs, and suddenly I was reminded of how I used to sing that song before I was diagnosed with cancer.  I have always loved that song, and I can remember singing it back then, and thanking God then that He healed me from so much, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  It was just crazy thinking of how I used to sing that song, not knowing the trials that were coming.  I am thankful that I am still singing it with the same, if not more, fire and passion.  I am just overwhelmed by God.  Overwhelmed.  Then on the way in to work today, I heard a prayer request for a girl named Jamie, who was in her thirties, had two children, and has been diagnosed with rare form of cancer.  The doctors have told her that it is terminal, and that there is not much hope.  But tomorrow they are doing some kind of surgery.  Her friend that was calling in the prayer request said the most amazing thing about her.  She said that while Jamie has asked for prayers for healing, she said that her number one prayer request is for God to give her a powerful testimony through this.  How awesome?  I would love to meet her.  The word testimony has taken on such a powerful meaning to me through all of this.  Testimony is what makes all of what we are going through worth something.  It's part of how we overcome.  So please pray for Jamie tomorrow, for healing, but also and more so for her testimony.  That many many people would come to know and love God through her testimony, and that she would find strength and fulfillment in that.  And please pray for her children, and for her family.

Thank you so much again for how you all have blessed me and my family during this time with your acts of kindness, and with your prayers.  Where would I be without all of you???  With all of my heart, thank you.   

Hope

Well I made it through the bad days of round five, and I am ramping up for my last round.  Round six got nothin on me and God!  Don’t mind my trash talking the chemo.  Really, the chemo is my friend, so I should be nicer.  Hee hee.  I had a few more rough days than usual this time, which was expected.  I was fighting a virus before my treatment, and that carried on through my treatment and morphed into the worst sinus infection I have ever had.  It took three different antibiotics, but I am glad to say it is gone now.  No new symptoms this time around, and thank God I didn’t have the throat pain I had last time.  Just the same old stuff I have already fought through before, but just lasted a little longer.  Which is why I am up at midnight blogging.  I can’t sleep.  So I’ll jump right in with some of what’s been on my heart lately.            

I think I can safely say that I’m not scared to die.  When this first started, I was.  I didn’t think I was, but I was.  I have been wanting to watch a movie called Living Proof, which is a movie about the doctor who developed the drug Herceptin, which is one of the drugs that I am taking.  People call it a miracle drug.  I was reading a review about the movie, and it said that the story depicts many of the women in his journey through developing this drug, and how they succumbed to their cancer, and so I questioned whether or not I should watch it.  I was sharing that with my mom, and I told my mom this past Friday that I still get scared sometimes when I hear about people dying of cancer.  But then I told her that my hope is not that I’m not going to die, and that after I realized that, I wasn’t afraid anymore.  And she said to me, “You’re right.  No one gets off this earth alive.”  Profound, yet obvious.  That is a very simple fact, but then why are there so many of us that still live like we are never going to die?  The answer is because we have a real enemy who wants to destroy us.  And he knows that if he can keep us distracted from what really matters in this life, then he can keep us from ever dying to ourselves, and living unto God, so that we never really die.  I love it.  Clear as mud right?  My hope is that my life belongs to God, and that He has a purpose in me being here, and that with Him, in Him, I will fulfill that purpose, and then when I leave this earth, I will hear the words “Well done my warrior daughter,” and I will spend eternity with Him.  That hope can never be taken from me, no matter what happens to me in this life, good bad or ugly.

So, ofcourse, when you take that kind of stand, the enemy is going to try to knock you off your rock.  The other day I was talking to a person at work whose wife had breast cancer several years ago.  As I was talking to him, I didn’t realize that after she beat breast cancer, she died of brain cancer.  As we fumbled through the next few minutes of our conversation, I realized that he was trying to protect me from that fact, but I had asked him a few too many questions that made it impossible for him to hide it.  My heart ached when I put two and two together.  He didn’t have to say it at that point.  His eyes said it all.  My heart didn’t ache for me, but for him.  So tonight I was sitting here rubbing my bald head, and I ran my fingers over these bumps on my scalp.  I have several of them, and I have asked my doctors about them, and they are not concerned.  But tonight I got scared.  I thought, what if I have brain cancer too?  And immediately I was brought back to the conversation I had with my mom.  And I reminded myself of my hope.  And that fear was gone.  And as I sat there thinking about my hope, I got really motivated to do something great.  Something that matters.  I don’t want to waste anymore time.  When your hope is not in the things of this life, but the next, certain things just don’t matter anymore.  And there are a lot of things that used to matter to me before all of this that just don’t anymore.  I’m really thankful for that, and I’m not going to let those things slow me down anymore.  I look forward to each hour, day, year…every moment really, to see what God is doing in and through my life.  I know He’s got great things planned.  I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 

I’m going to try to go to sleep now.  Please continue to keep my family in your prayers, and you will be in mine.  I want to say again how thankful I am for all of the prayers and support we have received.  It overwhelms me.  We are so blessed.              

5 Chemos Down, 1 Chemo To Go

Can I just say..."WOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  I am so excited to almost be done with this chemo.  I went in today for my fifth treatment, and now I only have one more to go on Feb 22!!  So excited.  I had a great treatment day.  I got to visit with a sweet friend of mine that I met at my last treatment.  I am so thankful for the friendships that I have made through this.  Especially friends in the chemo chairs, becuase the doctors won't let your family stay back there with you during your treatment, and it really makes the time fly by and makes me happy to have someone to talk to.  I got another great report from the doctor today.  She can't feel that nasty old ranky tumor!! Isn't that great!??!!  Thank you God.  Other good news is that I finally got my plastic surgeon picked out this past week, and my surgery date is set for April 3rd.  I am really thankful to have my game plan together so that I don't have to think about it anymore until then.  This guy was my third plastic surgeon and I was just about ready to forget about the whole reconstruction bc I didn't like what they were telling me I needed to do.  I also met with my radiation oncologist and we have our game plan for radiation after the surgery.  The radiation is what was causing complications with the reconstruction, but I think we have it figured out now. 

I did something the other day that I never thought I would do.  I left work one day last week when the weather was nice, and I took the doors and windows off the Jeep, and as soon as I got out on 280 I pulled off my wig and drove home bald!!  It was a little unnerving at first, but then it was really liberating!!  It felt great!  I caught a couple people do at double-take, but that's okay.  I probably would too.  It's not everyday you see a hot bald woman driving a smokin hot Jeep!  lolol!  Just kidding.  I was actually turning into Chelsea and heard some guy who just did a double-take say "Dang!"  Not sure if it was a good dang or a bad one, but I was cracking up.  I really enjoyed that Jeep ride.  The whole time I had my worship music blasting and I was just singing and thanking God for all that He is doing in my life through this trial.  My heart was just overflowing with thankfulness.  I couldn't care less about my hair or what I looked like.  It just felt so...complete.  I don't even know if that's the right word to describe what I felt.  God is drawing me deeper and deeper into a place of satisfaction in Him alone, and I love it.  Nothing compares.

I was writing thank you cards during my treatment today, and as I wrote, I was reminded of all that so many people have been doing to support me during this time.  It overwhelmed me all over again.  I am so blown away, especially at the support that I have received from work.  I have never seen or heard anything like it.  I have saved all my emails, all the little notes and all the gifts, and I treasure all of the prayers and conversations.  Sometimes it is hard for me not to start balling my eyes out at work when I talk to people about all this, and I hardly ever cry!  In the past there have been situations and stuff happen around me, and the people around me start crying, and I hardly ever cry, and I feel so cold hearted, but I just can't cry! But I have cried more in the past three months than I have in a long time...and almost all of the tears are tears of joy, not sorrow.  And some of the tears are from the chemo making my eyes water...another goofy side effect.  lol!  It's not just work that I have to thank, but my sweet family and my church family and pastors, and my friends.  I had the absolute best day with my mom this past Saturday.  So much fun to just hang out with my mom and to talk and laugh and pray and shop and eat together.  And my most amazing wonderful rock and leader of a husband.  He has been working so hard lately for work, and still taking care of me and the babies, especially during my last treatment, and making sure that everyone has what they need.  So thankful for how he faithfully prays over us and for how he loves and provides for us.  I respect him more than any other man I know.

Lets see...I've rambled on for way too long.  I could keep going, and I just have so much on my heart to share, and not enough time in the day to blog.  Thank you for reading and keeping up with me, even during dry blog spells, and thank you sooooo much for your prayers.  :O)  Please pray with me over this next three weeks and agree with me that these nasty side effects won't come near me.  Please pray the same for my sweet friend Nancy who got the same meds as me today and who is fighting this battle too.  Good night everyone!!  I pray blessings over you all!!! 

Here's picture of me and my little buddy when I got home from work after my Jeep ride.  I love that little man. 

Spiritual Treasure in Clay Jars

I’m so sorry that I haven’t blogged in a while.  I have had a rough week, but thankfully I am starting to feel better.  This fourth treatment was not fun.  I had a sore throat that felt like strep from Friday to Tuesday, and it hurt so bad every time I swallowed.  The doctors said it was sores from the chemo medicine and all I could do was to take Loritab for the pain, which I did.  Monday I also took another medicine just incase I had an infection going on that they couldn’t see, and the medicine made me feel so dizzy and nauseous.  It was awful.  On top of all that, I was extremely weak and tired.  After brushing my teeth and mouthwashing forty times a day, and saying hello to my husband and babies, I just didn’t have the gumption to do much more than lay around and stare at the ceiling.  I have had hot flashes like crazy this time too.  I’m talking literal sweat pouring down my brow one minute, and freezing cold the next.  Then today I lost all the taste in my mouth.  Everything tastes like nothing.  Jonni asked me what I wanted for dinner, and I joked that I wanted ice cream, so he told me to try a bite to see if it tasted good.  So I tried a bite of some delicious mouthwatering Hagendaz ice cream in our freezer, and…nothing.  I’ll admit it, I cried. 

And then, I had a revelation.  Over this past week, I was feeling so crummy physically that I felt crummy emotionally and spiritually.  I was just so zoned out and tired and focused on my pain that I could hardly even pray.  And then the more I didn’t pray or read my Bible, the worse and worse I felt.  And then I started entertaining lies like God wasn’t near to me, and that He didn’t want me to be well, that He was punishing me.  And then I started getting really fearful.  It was awful!!  Just awful. 

So today, when I was crying over my ice cream, it dawned on me that I had left my Source.  All week long, I quit doing the things that were keeping me connected to God, and forgot all the promises of God that made me strong.  Last week, I needed more than Loritab, more than magic mouthwash, more than ice cream.  I can think of several times in my life where I have prayed to God that I would be set free from the desire of anything that I desire more than Him.  I don’t want to be entangled by anything that I look to for comfort or peace or joy or strength more than God or before God.  Sure, God put things here on this Earth for us to find comfort and peace and joy and strength in, but they all come from His hand first, and if we forget that they come from Him, and that to find true comfort and peace and joy in the midst of the worst pain and suffering you have to be connected to Him, then we are setting ourselves up for a life full of pain and suffering.  We can always say “if only had this or that, fill in the blank, then I would feel better.”  And yeah, it might make you feel better temporarily.  But we never have the excuse to say “If only I knew God more, or if only I had more of God in my life, then I would feel better.”  We always can have more of Him, and He is the only thing that we have that, if we want it, we will never be without it, and that will truly satisfy us in every way.  He never changes.  He never fades.  He is the only constant in a life full of variables.  Everything of this world is variable, and everything in this life can change in the blink of an eye.  But God stays the same, and His promises are always there. 

So in a sense I am thankful for the pain, and thankful for the fact that even good ol ice cream can’t do it for me anymore.  It just brings me one step closer to finding my all in God.  And He really does satisfy.  I am thankful of being stripped of worldly pleasures and suffering so that in the midst of it I can know what it means to have surpassing pleasure and fulfillment in Christ.  I thank God for allowing me to go through a dark week, so that I can appreciate and find greater value in the warmth of His light in my heart today.  I love the passage in scripture about spiritual treasure in clay jars.  We are so weak, but He is strong.  He is so powerful!  Here is my prayer…that through this trial, life would be at work in me and in all who read this.  That though outwardly we may be wasting away, inwardly, we would be renewed day by day.  That through my testimony, God would be given more glory.  That our eyes would be focused on what is unseen, what lasts forever, and that the troubles that we face in this life would help us all gain an eternal glory that is much greater, and that we would long for that more than anything that this life has to offer.        

Here's the truth, my medicine:       

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:25-26)


I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (Jhn 16.33)


My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. (Ps 119.50)


Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (Jhn 14.27)


God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  (Ps 46:1)


Abraham did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. (Rom 4:20-21)


May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. (2 Thes 3:16)


But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.  So death is at work in us, but life in you.  Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence.  For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Cor 4:7-18)

Four Down and Two To Go

I had my fourth of six treatments this past Wednesday.  Only two more to go!  Thank God!  I’m not feeling too well today.  My throat is hurting pretty bad.  I have noticed my throat hurting after my previous treatments, but I just thought I was fighting off a cold.  But now I am thinking it is directly related to the chemo medicine.  I have heard of people getting sores in their mouth and throat, so I am wondering if that is what I am up against.  I have been feeling really weak today as well.  So thankful for my husband, who has been taking such great care of me and letting me rest.  There is much more that I want to type, but I’m just not up to it.  I’m just really struggling physically today.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.  I am so thankful for all your prayers.

Decisions

I don’t know why it is that I get my inspiration to write at 1 o’clock in the morning, but that is how I have been lately.  Lord knows I need rest, but I just can’t sleep sometimes.  So why not blog, right?  And thank God for naps!  The past few days have been rough on my body.  It is weird that with each treatment, the symptoms seem to change up on me.  It seems like with every new symptom, the doctor will give me a medicine to fix it, and then another weird symptom will pop up.  The other night I couldn’t sleep because my back was hurting me, so instead of getting up, I tried to pretend I was fine, but I spent the whole night tossing and turning, in and out of sleep.  Then when I got up, I was hurting so bad in my lower back and thighs that I thought I had pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve or slipped a disc.  It was awful.  I couldn’t do anything to get relief, so eventually I took the frozen bag of corn off my lower back and took a loritab.  And it took the edge off considerably.  I had an appointment later that day to talk to the plastic surgeon that would be doing my reconstructive surgery, and so I decided to stop by the oncologists office to ask them about my back, and they assured me that I was having those pains from the Nulasta shot they give me to boost my immune system.  They were right, because the next day it was gone, for the most part, thank God.  I also had three bloody noses that day.  Not my first bout with that.  Thankfully I was home for all three.  And this time around I have been more nauseous as well.  But all in all, I’m doing great!  For real.  I feel so blessed not to have had worse or longer lasting symptoms than the ones I have had.  This whole experience has been surreal in many ways.  There are moments that I forget that I even had breast cancer, because the Lord has filled my life with so many other blessings that take my focus off of sickness.   Stuff that overshadows cancer.  One thing is for sure, cancer isn’t receiving the spot-light in my mind or in my life.  I won’t allow that.  I can’t.  Having said that, there are still those moments when a thought will pass through my mind that sends fear right to my very core.  I recently saw an article about a woman younger than me that died of breast cancer.  She was Miss Venezuela, so it was very publicized.  Her prognosis sounded the same as mine, and she was gone in a year, and she had a two year old little girl, just like me.  I knew not to look at the article, but I did, and that was a rough night.  And tonight we watched The Help, and the mother in the movie says that she is feeling better from the cancer, and the doctors told her that people start to feel better before it is the end, but that she decided she is not going to die, and in the movie she doesn’t die, but in the book she dies.  And all of sudden, for a split second I think, well I’m doing pretty good, what if I am just like her, and just like Miss Venezuela, and what if I’m about to die.  But then I realize, I’m not just like anybody.  I am a daughter of God.  Unique.  Individually hand-crafted by God.  Holy and dearly loved. God has prepared me before I was even born for this moment.  People ask me all the time, “Aren’t you scared?”  To say that I never have moment where fear grips me would be a lie, but I know fear of anything other than God is a lie.  So anytime a thought comes across my mind that causes me to fear, I know it is of the enemy, and I rebuke it…with the Word of God.  And you know what?  It flees.  With tears in my eyes as I type this, I tell you, it flees.  I am so very thankful for that peace that can only come from God.  It passes understanding.  It is real.  More real than cancer.  Another question I get a lot is “Have you ever asked, why me?”  And I can honestly say that is one question I have never asked through this experience.  I never asked that because I know me.  What I have done, who I have been, and I put that past tense on purpose, because that is not me now.  You ever hear that parable from the Bible that says the person who had the greater debt canceled loves and appreciates more than the person who had a small debt canceled.  Well I love my God very much because I am forgiven of very much.  I am so thankful for every single blessing in my life, because I think of all the things my life would like without God, and let me tell you, it would be awful.  Something I heard in the movie tonight that I really liked  was when one of the characters said “Everyday that you wake up and you ain’t dead in the ground, you gotta make a decision…”  And that’s just it.  As soon as my feet hit the floor everyday, I have a decisions to make.  Lots of decisions.  Big ones.  Small ones.  But only one that really matters.  Am I going to be defeated, by a lie no less, or am I going to overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony?  Seems like a no-brainer, but it ain’t easy, and it didn’t come cheap.  The Words in red say “With man, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  I'm thankful to be on the winning team.            

Merry Christmas

I hope that everyone had a Christ-filled Christmas.  Mine was great.  Soooo thankful for Emmanuel.  How horrible my life would be without God.  Since my last post, I had my third of six chemo treatments.  Half way there!!  My sister in law Maria came with me, and they actually let her sit with me through most of it.  We had fun.  Took goofey pictures, and she kept me laughing.  Thanks Tia Ria.  Things have been going really well.  My doctor told me that she could not feel the tumor anymore in one of the places where she had felt it before.  Praise God, my Healer!!  I have definitely been way more tired this time than before.  My babies are wearing me out physically, but thankfully, I have had so much help from my wonderful family!  It is so hard for me to ask for help, and rather frustrating at times because I just want to do something myself.  But I have had to learn to suck it up, and ask for help, and I am so blessed to have people around me that genuinely love me and want to help.  Christmas day I started feeling crummy, but by today, I am feeling better.  I have been yawning excessively, and actually got a cramp in my chin muscle from yawning so much.   You know how it feels when you get a Charlie horse in your foot and your toes get all cramped up??  Well that happened in my chin…craaaazaaaaaay!  Pretty comical if you ask me. 

I won’t type much more for now, but I just want to say how thankful I am to God for my life, all included.  This experience has not caused my life to come to a screeching halt.  It hasn’t made me stop living the life I wanted.  It has actually made me feel more alive than I ever have before.  How awesome that being face to face with death can bring more life?  It’s a paradox.  I now sing louder, cry harder, love deeper, pray more fervently, and all that and everything!  With each passing day I want to be nearer to God than I ever was before, and I am nearer to God now than I ever have been before.  I want so much more of God and His purpose than I had in my life prior to cancer, and I will have it.  Thank you God for all that you are.  Thank you for the work that you are doing in my life.  Thank you thank you thank you.                    

Please Pray for My Friend

Please pray for my friend Clem, and his wife Joan.  Joan has cancer and she is not in good condition right now, and needs our prayers, and Clem has problems with his back that cause alot of pain.  Thank you.

Healing. Father, heal Joan and Clem by the power of Your Word.

Thank you for sending Jesus to bear our sins in His body

so that by His wounds they might be healed. (Ps. 107:20;

1 Pet. 2:24)

Faith. May Joan & Clem continue to trust in You, regardless of their

physical condition. May they be strengthened in their faith,

being fully persuaded that You have the power to do what

You have promised. (Job 13:15; Ro. 4:19-21)

Laughter. Grant Joan & Clem a cheerful heart. Turn their weeping

into joy. (Prov. 17:22; Ps.126:2-6)

Music. Give Joan & Clem a new song—a song of praise to You.

Dwell in them richly, and surround them with psalms, hymns,

and spiritual songs. Even in their darkest moments, fill them

with the music of worship. (Ps. 40:3; Col. 3:16; Acts 16:25;

Job 35:10)

Wisdom. God of wisdom, please guide Joan & Clem in the many

decisions they must make during this illness. Give them the

confidence that You are leading him in love and power.

(Ps. 32:8; Prov. 3:5-6; Jas. 1:5)

Purpose. Continually remind Joan and Clem of the hope and future

You have in store for them. Show them how their life impacts and

enriches others. Help them to see that despite their weaknesses,

You have great plans for them that You will act out according

to Your good purpose. (Jer. 29:11; Eph. 2:10; Phil. 2:13)

Life-giving words. Give Joan & Clem the ability to speak apt words

that build up those who listen. (Prov. 25:11; Eph. 4:29; Col. 4:6)

Perspective. Daily renew Joan & Clem inwardly, Lord. Guard them

from focusing on their present condition, and help them to view

life from Your perspective. Remind them that their troubles are

achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs what they suffer

now. (2 Cor. 4:16-18)

Presence. Lord, assure Joan & Clem that You will go ahead of them

in all the challenges of life. Even when they cannot feel Your

presence, give them the faith to trust that You will never

leave him. May they be able to say, as Job did, “My ears had

heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” (Ex. 33:14-15;

Josh. 1:9; Heb. 13:5-6; Job 42:5)

Refuge. Thank You, Lord, that You will never allow Joan & Clem

to suffer more than they can bear. Prompt them always to turn

to You for refuge. (1 Cor. 10:13; Ps. 25:20)

Freedom from fear. Christ Jesus, please guard Joan & Clem’s heart

and mind. You have not given them a spirit of fear, but of

power, love, and of a sound mind. Give them peace that

passes understanding. Help them to think thoughts that are

true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and

praiseworthy. (2 Tim. 1:7; Phil. 4:7-8)

Comfort. Father of all compassion, please comfort Joan & Clem in

all their troubles. And then, Lord, bring someone to them with

whom they can share this sweet comfort. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

Hope. God of hope, please fill Joan & Clem with all joy and peace

as they trust in You so that they may overflow with hope by

the power of Your Spirit. Thank You that as they continue

to hope in You, they will never be disappointed. (Ro. 15:13;

Is. 49:23)

Perseverance. Cause Joan & Clem to rejoice because they know that

You are using this trial to produce perseverance, character,

and hope. Deepen their conviction that when they have stood

this test, You will give them a crown of life. May they imitate

those who through faith and patience inherit what you have

promised. (Ro. 5:3-5; Jas. 1:2-4,12; Heb. 6:12)

Glory. Glorify Yourself in Joan & Clem’s struggle, Lord. Display

Your work in their life by demonstrating Your grace and power

in their weakness. (Jn. 9:3; 2 Cor. 12:9-10)